


A Cake in Hand is Worth a Shield in the Bush

by msraven



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-21 17:04:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/600100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msraven/pseuds/msraven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mama Coulson's fruitcake recipe is infamous...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cake in Hand is Worth a Shield in the Bush

**Author's Note:**

> For Feelstide Prompt 65...won't say more since it will give away the fic.
> 
> I've been wanting to write this prompt since the fast and furious first day of feelstide brainstorming on feelschat. A few of you that were on that day will probably recognize the general course of the story. I hope I did it justice. :)
> 
> Happy Feelstide!!

“Did you really have to unpack it at the Fed Ex office?” Phil asks.

Clint looks around the large Christmas basket he’s carrying and raises his eyebrows at Phil disbelievingly. And yeah, it’s a silly question. Expecting Clint not to open a box addressed to them from Phil’s grandmother is like asking Stark not to upgrade the coffee machine. 

“You realize this is actually smaller than trying to carry the box it came in, right?” Clint says, shifting the basket slightly to get a better hold of it.

Phil only hums in response. The shipping box had been much larger due to all the stuffing inside to prevent damage, but it had at least been a standard brown. The basket Clint is now carrying is wrapped in bright green cellophane, topped with a giant red bow and shiny gold ribbons streaming down its sides. It looks heavy and he should really offer to trade Clint for the much smaller box Phil is carrying - their gifts from Phil’s parents - except they’re getting a fair share of stares as they walk the few blocks back to Avengers Tower. 

“I think I see snickerdoodles!” Clint exclaims with glee and Phil can’t help smiling at his enthusiasm. Phil will be eternally grateful for how willingly Clint has embraced his family and they have accepted him in return. 

The basket from Phil’s grandmother is filled with Phil and Clint’s favorite sweets, cookies, an eclectic mix of fruit, and Mama Coulson’s traditional Christmas fruitcake, which Phil has every intention of hiding from Clint. They do not need a repeat of last year’s trip to SHIELD medical, no matter how much Clint thinks it will hurt Mama’s feelings. 

They’re about a block away from the tower when they hear a familiar voice. 

“Clint! Phil!” They stop and turn to find Steve jogging down the sidewalk toward them. “I thought it was you,” Steve says when he catches up with them. “I was hoping you could -”

A loud scream rends through the air before Steve can finish his request. All three of their heads immediately swivel toward the sound. Before Phil’s mind can fully register the doombot hovering less than a hundred yards away, Clint is shoving him away and down from an incoming missile, shielding Phil’s body with his own. Phil can feel the heat of the blast and spares a split second to mourn for Mama’s once-lovely Christmas basket that is now collateral damage.

The smoke clears and they can hear the sound of other explosions as the doombot randomly fires in all directions. 

“I don’t have my shield!” Steve yells from his crouch behind a parked car. Phil and Clint already have their sidearms in their hands, but know standard bullets will have limited effect on a doombot. 

The next series of events seem to happen in slow motion. Steve is looking frantically around for a weapon when his hand lands on top of Mama Coulson’s still intact fruitcake. He doesn’t even glance down before picking it up, standing, and throwing it at the doombot. Phil dumbly watches the fruitcake arch through the air and vaguely hears Clint yell from beside him. The cake makes impact, going straight through the head of the doombot, and a shocked silence follows as the bot stills before crashing to the ground.

Clint scrambles to his feet, shaking with indignation. “ _Nobody_ throws Mama Coulson’s fruitcake!” 

“Clint...” Phil says, trying to placate the sniper as he stands. He moves between Clint and Steve, who is looking down at his hand in awe. 

“That was a fruitcake?!” comes another voice followed by the familiar hum of repulsors as Iron Man lands in the street in front of them.

Clint’s hands clench into fists and Phil places his hands over the archer’s in attempt to keep the him calm.

“This fruitcake is a weapon worthy of Mjolnir!” booms Thor, making Phil flinch. He turns to glare at the other Avengers who quiet immediately, finally noticing how livid Hawkeye looks.

“Clint. Look at me,” Phil says, turning back and giving Clint’s hands a squeeze. 

“They’re making fun of Mama Coulson’s fruitcake,” Clint says through clenched teeth.

“No, they’re not,” Phil assures him. He glances back over his shoulder to be sure. Phil is grateful that Tony still has his mask down, but Steve looks properly apologetic, while Thor looks confused but knows that he’s inadvertently done something wrong. 

Clint anger disappears as quickly as it had come. “What are we going to tell her?” he asks Phil, genuinely concerned. 

“We don’t have to tell her what happened,” Phil suggests.

“You want me to _lie_ to Mama Coulson?” asks Clint - a trained spy who Phil has actually watched lie to the Pope’s face - with a voice filled with incredulity as if lying to Phil’s grandmother is the most grievous crime he can think of. Phil’s heart suddenly feels like it’s going to burst with how much he loves this man. 

“She doesn’t actually expect us to eat it,” Phil says gently.

“She wouldn’t send it if she didn’t want us to eat it,” Clint argues.

Phil decides it would better to come at this a different way. “We can make it up to her.”

“How?” Clint asks, suspicious. 

“It’s not too late to fly out there for Christmas,” Phil offers without really thinking it through, but the absolute joy on Clint’s face is well worth the amount of last minute coordination a visit home will require. 

“Really?” 

“Yes, really,” Phil answers and turns Clint back in the direction of the Tower with a hand at the small of his back. “We can call them as soon as we get home.”

Neither one of them pay any attention to the rest of the Avengers who are watching them walk away with equally baffled expressions. 

“Did those two get married without telling us?” Stark asks.

“You assume they’d tell you anything, Stark,” Natasha answers from out of nowhere, making the three men jump. She smirks and turns to start walking in the other direction. “Bruce is with SHIELD and the doombot. We should go help with cleanup and leave those two alone for a bit.”

Steve, Tony, and Thor shrug at each other before following Natasha.

Steve hums thoughtfully as they walk away. “Do you think Mama Coulson would give us her recipe if we asked nicely?”

_fin_

**Author's Note:**

> The original prompt: Fruit Cake - used as a weapon during a battle. Chat added that it should be Phil's mom/grandmom's recipe, Steve should throw it, and that Clint would be the one who got upset. 
> 
> Feelschat - I <3 you all!


End file.
